The Great Baby Debate...This has been an ongoing saga at our house for the last 8 years. Should we stop? OR, should we have one more? It's always been easy for me...let's have more. I've always wanted a big family. Some girls grow up knowing they want to be a nurse or a teacher, I grew up knowing I wanted to be a mommy. I knew I wanted atleast four kids and that I wanted to be able to stay home with them. Well, I have six kids and the overwhelming urge to have more is not going away. I'm trying to figure out, when is it enough. Why do some people decide to have big families? Is it right or wrong to do so? And, will I ever be satisfied? Is it an urge I will always have? If that is the case, it's never going to be easy to "throw in the towel".
I have several thoughts on the issue. I can see both sides of the debate. I look at what I have and I am grateful. I have six beautiful, healthy kids; three boys and three girls. I mean, who gets that lucky? I kind of feel like have one more would be "pushing the envelope". How long can my lucky streak keep up? Most people think I 'm crazy for having six kids. I get really tired of hearing "are you done yet"? and "don't you two know how this happens"? I don't judge those who choose to have only one or two children, why do people feel the need to judge so harshly those who chose to have more than three or four? I have a hard time talking to others about my feelings on this issue because most people try to talk me out of it and point out the negatives. It makes me mad that no one sees the positive side of large families. Most people don't get me and are not very empathetic to my feelings on the matter. Including my husband.
Dean would have been happy to quit after two. I can't even imagine what that would have been like. I guess, we would have more money, we would go more places, and do more things. But, I don't feel like any of my kids are lacking in any areas. I guess some could argue "attention". But, I think Dean and I try to take time to do things with each of our kids one on one.
I can talk myself into making a decision either way depending on the day. I just can't commit one way or the other. I would like to hear some thoughts from other women on the matter. What made you decide to stop having children?
1 comment:
Jen, I don't want this to sound too "preachy" but I feel pretty strongly about this issue. My husband is devoutly Catholic, and though I obviously don't agree with every teaching of the Catholic church, its teachings about birth control have started to make sense to me. In an age when women feel compelled to have a career or "calling" outside of the home, I think you are to be commended for acknowledging that your calling is to be a Mommy! I honestly believe that there is no greater, or more fulfilling, career on earth than raising the next generation, and I think that the decision to have a child, or not to have a child, is best left in God's hands. He will bless you and provide for you as He sees fit.
In retrospect, I can only see being raised in a large family as a good thing. We may not have had everything our materialistic hearts desired, but we never lacked love and attention (or playmates.) And now that we're older, we have such a wonderful built-in support system and the very best of friends! I feel that thinking about what material things you might not be able to provide for your children makes you lose sight of the most important, character-building things. Lacking material possessions as a child did not prevent me from attaining my educational goals, or from having a very comfortable life as an adult. If anything, it made me more ambitious, and certainly instilled in me some character and values that I see lacking in my more "indulged-as-children" friends! I certainly don't think it's wrong to provide nice things for your children - and I think you must be able to provide for their needs. I think the problem for most people is that the desire to provide the extras outweighs their willingness to trust in God's provision.
Perhaps your urge to have another child is God's calling. God blesses people with children in different ways - Chris and I have tried for five years to have a baby. God hasn't provided us with a biological child, but He sure blessed us with our precious Aaliyah. And I have faith that He will bless us again in His time and in His way. God has obviously blessed you with beautiful, healthy biological children. If He wants to bless you with more, I think that you should trust that He will provide what you need to raise His blessings! I know this is all much easier said than done though, and I will keep your family in my prayers. If you have more children, I think the world will be a better place because of it, and I will be thrilled for you!!!!!
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